their heavy words can't bring me down

And you never looked for truth
in the eyes of your lovers
and the hands you used to hold
your baby sister with
shook while they raised shotglasses
to your dry lips
and you lost yourself in
floorboards that creak with settling memories,
heavy with the skeletons
everyone pretends
not to notice
rotting in the closets, in the cupboards,
in the shower with you while you do not cry
only wish you could close your ears
because the words that have been spilled
in this house
are all like a rising tide around your ankles
warm recollections of insults that you
cannot shake no matter how many times
you weep yourself empty

and they say buildings cannot break people,
only break themselves
maybe they cannot see that the paint
on your smile
is starting to crack off
maybe they cannot hear it, they cannot hear
every time you were reminded that your very skin
is full of failure, is full of mistake, is full of
a wild desire to self-destruct
maybe they were raised in homes where
dinner meant more than a death match
maybe there were more hugs than
nightmares, maybe they don’t associate family
with grease and closed doors and sitting in bed with
a pillow over their heads, trying to block
the sound of
everyone you love
they love no one at all

and they say buildings cannot break people
because buildings are only objects, that any house
can be a home if you have enough throw pillows
and potted plants

maybe they never stood shivering with skinny ankles,
grasping onto the glass shards that make up their
blood ties,
palms and arms and spines all
scratched up, making friends with cigarette smoke
and bad choices, holding on to the ones who
hurt them the worst, burning every good bridge
they come across
because the ones who were supposed to love them
never remember to be kind

they say that buildings cannot break people
maybe they never sat on their bed and
stared up at the moon and
realized that their whole lives
they have been lost, they
have never really fit
that they have always been

"I’m just starting to realize how fucked up my family life is, how much it damaged my spirit and self-confidence." /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

1,472 notes



"I am so terrified that someone will come to know me 100%. I am so scared of losing my freedom it’s unbelievable.”

“He knows about everything, but he still stays. He considers himself lucky to have me, but I feel so guilty about everything and I know I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve anyone.”
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